Bipolar Disorder as a “Silent Killer”
It was not until the end of my 36th week of pregnancy that I was diagnosed with gestational, or pregnancy-induced, hypertension. To my knowledge, I had never had any issues with my blood pressure prior to the late third trimester of my pregnancy. I did not even know that my blood pressure was high – who knows for how long – before going to my weekly routine obstetrics appointment one morning. I do not remember the exact blood pressure reading that day, but I am pretty confident that the systolic blood pressure was in the 150s and the diastolic blood pressure was in the 90s in each of my arms. A blood pressure reading around 120/80 mmHg is considered normal, and, for a person over 20 weeks pregnant, a blood pressure reading higher than 140/90 mmHg is considered gestational hypertension. To me, the scariest parts about this are that 1) I did not have any symptoms, which is not unusual and 2) blood pressure that is too high can lead to a stroke and heart problems. For these reasons, hypertension is referred to as a “silent killer.”
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder roughly five years ago, and I also volunteered with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) when my diagnosis was still new. Two points that NAMI emphasized during my Sharing Hope training are that mental illnesses are just as real and serious as physical illnesses and that mental illnesses are invisible, meaning you cannot always know that a person has a mental illness just by looking at that person. Given my recent experiences with hypertension and my lived experience with bipolar disorder, I can more plainly see how true these points are. I would even go so far as to say that bipolar disorder can be a silent killer, and I don’t mean when one has a depressive episode. I am actually talking about when one has a manic episode.
Twice now, I have experienced hypomania without realizing it until after the fact. When I am hypomanic, I feel invincible: I have the energy to do all the things with little to no sleep. I have this way of unintentionally presenting as if everything is fine and like I’ve got things under control, even though I have taken on too much and my self-care is suffering. In that same regard, other people – even those closest to me – fail to realize that something is amiss. But I can’t blame them. If I, a person living with bipolar disorder, only recognize that I am hypomanic in retrospect, then how can I expect my loved ones to be able to call it for what it is and bring it to my attention in the moment? I can’t.
Twice now, I have reached full-blown manic episodes due to being unable to identify and rectify my hypomanic episodes. When I am experiencing mania, only medication can snap me out of it. Without it, I will think irrationally and behave recklessly. I have found myself in situations that very well could have taken me out. It is for this reason that I consider bipolar disorder to be a silent killer for me personally. It is also for this reason that creating a mental health crisis plan, sharing it with loved ones, and keeping it up to date is imperative if you need some help from your support team – especially when it’s too late to help yourself.
Signed,
Lai (Bipolar I)
