How COVID-19 Impacted My World
It was March, the day before spring break. I was looking forward to seeing Jill Scott perform in Macon, GA, the following week. As I had feared though, COVID-19 changed all of that. And more.
I was at my clinical rotation when Alabama was notified of its first confirmed case of COVID-19. It’s all anyone was talking about, so my anxiety was through the roof. The hospital began preparing isolation areas and implementing safety protocols. I had to get out of that environment in order to rein in my thoughts. But I stayed. I toughed it out. I spoke positive, calming (and maybe even untrue) words to myself: It’s going to be okay. You are almost there. If it were really that bad, they would have sent you home by now. Little did I know, I would not be returning to school or clinic in two weeks as planned.
In fact, here it is June, and I am writing this post. I have yet to return to school as usual. We are currently learning online; we even have ultrasound simulation software that we had purchased for the spring semester. Who knew how much we would really need that this summer. My instructors have been great at making our transition as smooth as possible, providing us with all the resources we need and more.
Even still, I am disappointed. I received an email last semester stating that my class would graduate in the spring of 2021 instead of in the fall of 2020. After I had time to process the email and what that meant as far as my personal plans and goals, oh, I was devastated. I had come so close to the finish just for the line to move back a few months. I had plans of being on my own again and of working a job that I truly enjoy, that gives my life meaning. Or I guess I should say more meaning.
Maybe that is part of why the blow hurt so bad – it felt like yet another setback. I was looking for meaning and purpose in conquering what was meant to take me out. And for me, that meant finishing and working in my career. I took out my frustrations on my family. I wanted to quit, just throw my hands up and spend the rest of my life working jobs that don’t pay me, challenge me, or fulfill me enough.
When I was depressed, I constantly replayed in my head the self-affirmation that I am enough. I even went so far as to get the word “enough” tattooed on my wrist. It is a personal and permanent reminder of what I have been through and how I am becoming the best version of myself. That is to say that I am training my mind to focus on the journey not the destination. And in that sense, I have conquered.
