Some Christians may argue that, as people born into sin, we do deserve punishment. “But thank God,” they say, “thank God that we don’t get what we deserve.” Instead, we get peace when we’re confused, healing when we’re hurt, love when we’re unlovable, and the list goes on. But when you’re in the middle of the storm, waiting on the midnight hour, it can sure feel like God doesn’t even see you and what you’re going through.

If you ask me why bad things happen to good people, I would say that part of the reason is to make us realize where our help truly comes from. Church became a big part of my life starting in college. One thing I have learned in all my learning is that faith is not a feeling. Feelings are fleeting; faith is certain. And my faith is what I cling to even as I ride the emotional roller coaster that is bipolar I disorder. When my roller coaster reaches its high points, it is easy to feel God’s presence. But what about when that roller coasters hits rock bottom? That’s when God can feel distant, but that’s also when my faith kicks in harder than ever.

If you ask me again why bad things happen to good people, I would say that it is so God can get the glory. Where’s the victory in a life with no struggle, no heartache, no setbacks? God knows what He is doing. We’ve just got to trust Him. My diagnosis is still very new to me, and I’m still waiting to see what will become of my life. The way I see it, if I give up now, then I will never know what God is going to do in His timing.

That’s not to say that I don’t question God. I’ve questioned Him all my life. God, why does my little brother have autism? God, why did my parents have to get divorced? God, why was I admitted to a psych ward? God, am I going to finish my PhD program? God, are you up there?  I don’t know all the answers, and I don’t know His plan. All I know is that He has one.

Signed,
Bipolar I