Rewriting My Story

In January 2017, my whole world came crashing down. I never dreamed I’d be bringing in the new year (or any time of year for that matter) in a psych ward. On the seventh day of my hospitalization, I was discharged. I was free to go back to the life I knew. The life that was comfortable and, although unhealthy, “normal.” I’ll discuss my return to my PhD program in another post, but ultimately, I dropped out. I dropped out for my own sanity and well-being. Remaining in grad school just didn’t feel right anymore.

I ended up moving back in with my mom after being on my own for nearly 8 years. I had no idea what to do with my life anymore, or if I wanted a life anymore. Yes, I was passively suicidal, just struggling to face my day everyday. My mom let me grieve, but she also knew that this girl had to get back up. I went through a few jobs that were short lived. One day, my mom suggested I apply for a job at our dogs’ vet office. Anxiously, and reluctantly, I did. Can you blame me? I had zero experience in veterinary medicine. Honestly, I didn’t even have a real interest in it. I only had an interest in my own dogs. To my surprise, I got a job offer the day after my interview with the doctor. Turns out one of his employees had just quit the day before I got the call – if that wasn’t God.

I worked for the doctor for almost two years. While I was there, I did everything from answering phones to administering vaccines to drawing blood to cleaning teeth. One of the coolest experiences I had at the vet was observing ultrasound exams. A sonographer would come in every now and then to scan our furry patients. I would pick her brain and do a little research on my own. And then one day, I decided. I was going to do more than observe ultrasound; I was going to DO ultrasound. I retook the ACT, completed my prerequisites, and applied to the program. In the fall of 2019, I received my acceptance email. It was the happiest I had been in quite some time.

I am doing extremely well in the program, and I can honestly say that I enjoy it. It is definitely challenging (especially now given COVID), but also so fun and rewarding. I am expected to graduate in the spring of 2021. And I can’t wait. By the grace of God, I was awarded an institutional scholarship that will pay my tuition until I graduate as long as I maintain a 3.5 GPA. By the grace of God, I passed the American Registry for Diagnostic Medical Sonography’s Sonographic Principles and Instrumentation exam, and, as a result, I am exempt from two physics classes this summer. By the grace of God, I made it out all right. And He’s not through with me yet.

I still struggle with the “why me” mentality. And with the “what was the purpose of that” questions. I had to humble myself. Sure, I already have a bachelor’s degree I’m not using. Sure, an associate’s degree is no PhD, but it’s not about the letters. It’s not about “status.” It’s about living my life, and I’m doing a great job at it.

Do you have a story of how you overcame a struggle and prevailed despite the odds? Are there any parts of my journey that you would like to read more about? I would love to know!

Signed,

Lai