Sadness or Depression?

I began writing this post on March 5, 2022. That was over a year ago, y’all! I didn’t get far. Besides the title, all I had written at that time was this:

It’s time to start tracking my moods again. I stopped because day-to-day was the same thing, so it seemed pointless. Now, there’s been a shift in my emotional state.

I have been trying to mentally revisit this time in my life so that I can reflect on just what I was going through when I was feeling this way. March 5th of last year was a little over a month before my positive pregnancy test. I was also finishing up a master’s-level health economics course and working full time. I am revisiting (and finishing) this post now because the words “sad” and “depressed” are often confused or misused in day-to-day conversation. By this I mean that many times, peope will say they are depressed when they really mean they are sad. Say, for instance, a person fails a licensing exam or loses a loved one. These situations in and of themselves do not directly cause depression. Much of the emotion associated with life events such as these are tied to one’s own self-worth or to his/her capacity to grieve productively and healthily. Oftentimes, sadness is caused by a let-down or a loss of some sort. While depression can also start this way, the difference between depression and sadness is that depression is a mood disorder and it lasts longer than sadness. I would argue that feelings of sadness and depression are largely subjective and dependent on the individual’s experiences and coping mechanisms. Say I failed a licensing exam – for me personally that could mean that I don’t get the job; therefore, I don’t get the money, so I can’t pay the bills, and so on and so forth. Or say I lose someone unexpectedly or tragically – I would probably feel like I was robbed of my time with that person. Time that I could have spent repairing a relationship or loving that person better, etc. However, depression does not always have a direct trigger; it can be the result of a combination of things or even of past events that have been emotionally buried or suppresed that then resurface for reasons that may not be obvious to the depressed person. Another explanation for a why a person may be “depressed for no reason” is that depression can be caused by your neurochemistry, genetics, medical conditions, and more.

Furthermore, depression is different from sadness in that it interrupts one’s self-care routine and daily functioning, which can be social or occupational in nature. No two people will present with depression in the same way even if they have experienced the same or similar losses. If you are unfamiliar with or do not have access to the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition Text Revision (i.e., the DSM-5-TR), The Clevleand Clinic is a good resource to reference so that you may acquaint yourself with the diagnostic criteria for disorders such as major depressive disorder (MDD). You can click here for a quick-reference guide to MDD. Keep in mind: It is not enough to simply experience the symptoms listed; the number and nature of symptoms met and the duration of those symptoms matter for receiving an accurate diagnosis. Furthermore, a licensed professional is the only person qualified to give such a diagnosis.

While I have experienced symptoms of depression, I do not have a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, as I have a history of mania. As I mentioned in a previous post, What’s Your Diagnosis?, bipolar disorder can be tricky to diagnose because the chances that someone with the disorder seeks professional help is likely higher during a depressive episode than during a manic episode. Some of the symptoms that I have experienced during a depressive episode include: feeling depressed throughout each day, irritability, extreme fatigue, feelings of guilt, and sleeping too much – so much, in fact, that people who didn’t know any better considered me lazy. As you may have already noticed, depression not only affects your emotions, thoughts, and perceptions, but it also affects your actions and behaviors.

I did not start tracking my moods back in March of last year as the beginning of this post suggests. In retrospect, I probably should have. But you know what they say: Hindsight is 20/20.

Signed,

Lai (Bipolar I)