Almost everyone has dealt with a bully at some point in his or her life, right? One of the reasons kids can’t wait for adulthood is so that the unsolicited drama that bullies initiate will cease. After high school graduation, who knew the jerkish behavior would survive and rear its ugly head in the workplace? News flash: Bullies don’t stop bullying just because the school days are over. Unfortunately, it continues and it’s even passed on. It’s a learned behavior.

According to the American Psychological Association, “bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions” (2018).

So here I am working through the maze of life and what do you know? A bully is in the position of senior management in my workplace. I must admit that he was comparatively meek and mild when I first took the position. I gathered from office conversations that he felt micromanaged by his now retired female boss. Once his new boss was assigned, he became more belligerent and obnoxious for no apparent reason. I took note of the fact that he only unleashed his wrath on women in the office on a regular basis.

On almost any given day, the entire office could hear a familiar loud, angry voice throughout the building. The outburst went like this: “What do you want me to do about it? Soooo what did you do to it?! I don’t care!” Whenever something required his assistance, and it almost always did, female co-workers would delay contact or attempt to find a workaround because the battle and the extra anxiety just weren’t worth it.

Then, the bully yelled, “You are an idiot!” That was the insult that prompted the CEO to write a memo concerning respect in the workplace. However, for the bully who inspired the memo, it was business as usual, despite a one-on-one discussion regarding his behavior.

Unfortunately, the bully’s direct-report had adopted her boss’s behavior. She was the epitome of “mean girl,” or rather, mean woman. Always on a mission to divide, conquer, humiliate, and isolate. Always ready to invade a co-worker’s space, make demands both verbal and written, and employ passive aggressive behavior. She ignored email requests concerning work, made inappropriate comments, and hurled insults laced with profanity.

Again, the CEO advised us that bullying had been addressed and an action plan had been put in place. The change was not immediate, but after a few months, the behaviors diminished and the entire office atmosphere improved.

During the time that their attempts to humiliate and belittle were in full force, I realized that I needed protection from the negative effects their actions had on my mental health. Mind you, all of this occurred prior to my diagnosis, but I knew that my workplace had a negative impact on my well-being. My symptoms of anxiety, anger, and depression increased. So, I devised a personal plan to push back without stooping to their level:

1. I placed on my desk a copy of Bishop T.D. Jakes’ Ten Commandments for Working in a Hostile Environment. While all are important, these specific commandments served as a reminder and reinforced my existing views on the situation:

• Don’t expect to be appreciated.
• Do the job well while remembering the vision.
• Don’t let the environment get inside of you.
• Increase your capacity to work with difficult personalities.
• Embrace opportunities for change.

2. I documented all incidents including date, time, and witnesses. In addition, I retained pertinent electronic communication in the event that higher ups requested documentation. You will be glad you took the time to preserve supporting evidence.

3. I built my confidence. Bullies tend to prey on those they consider weak.

4. I refused to acknowledge / accept any form of disrespect. On several occasions, I advised the bully that I would be willing to discuss any work-related matter when he or she was ready to communicate in a non-threatening manner.

5. I set the same expectations they do in terms of work product. This tactic proved very effective because it made them see the ridiculousness of their requests.

When dealing with bullies, we must learn to effectively teach them how to treat us. It would seem that they would already know to treat others as they would like to be treated. Somehow they either skipped or forgot that page of Home Training 101. Or, more likely, the hunger for power cancels everything else out.

Signed,
Bipolar II