Finding an Effective Therapist Part I
I guess in order to find an effective therapist, you first have to define for yourself what “effective” is. This is a somewhat straightforward task for me, as I have had a few therapists since my episode. I know what I do want in a therapist as well as what I don’t want. That being said, I am dissatisfied with my current therapist; yet, I am comfortable enough to stay. Because I am not currently depressed, the fact that my therapist does not meet my expectations is just not highly concerning to me right now. You’re probably wondering why I continue to see this therapist at all; it’s just a waste of time and money, right? The reason is that I have to go to therapy at least once every three months in order for my nurse practitioner to continue prescribing my medications.
When I do feel the need to seek out a new therapist though, there are some criteria that I would like for him/her to meet. For me, an effective therapist:
- Actively listens. When I am talking or answering a question, I expect my therapist to do more than nod her head or give some other affirmative response and then move on to the next topic. I expect her to let me know she has heard me by rephrasing what I have said and by asking relevant follow-up questions. I want her to probe and guide us in figuring out what’s really behind what I am saying. We should explore why I feel a certain way or how I arrived at a stated conclusion.
- Encourages me. I can be unreasonably hard on myself. A bit of a perfectionist, I beat myself up over the littlest things. When it comes to personal matters, my first instinct is usually to think or expect the worst possible scenario. Having a therapist who can not only see through the negativity and past the perfectionist mentality but who can also encourage me to just give my best goes a long way. I personally appreciate when my therapist gives me real-life examples, whether that’s from her own life or someone else’s, that can help me think critically about a situation and give me hope for a better tomorrow.
- Challenges me. An effective therapist pushes me outside of my comfort zone. For me that means providing a safe space for me to be vulnerable, encouraging me to develop good habits, and helping me to train my mind to see the good in every situation.
- Addresses mind, body, and soul. The most effective therapist I ever had was a school psychologist at the university I was enrolled in at the time. She recognized that the traumatic event I had experienced had taken a toll on not only my mind but also on my body and my soul. I would claim that I was too busy to eat; she would tell me to prep meals and/or pack healthy snacks in my bag like fruits and nuts. I claimed that I didn’t know if I was going to make it; she gave me a worksheet of self-affirmations and then told me to identify the ones that spoke to me in my current situation and write them on my mirror.
- Gives me homework. This same therapist would not let me leave without giving me some sort of assignment: meditate for 10 minutes a day, keep a journal, put sleep on your calendar and stick to it. Even better, she would hold me accountable for doing so by following up in our next meeting.
Now that I have defined what an effective therapist looks like for me, how would I go about actually finding said therapist? My first piece of advice is to listen. There are probably people in your life who go to therapy themselves. I have learned of 3 people at my job who go to therapy just by listening to them talk. Second, ask questions. Find out what a typical session is like. Do they get something out of it? Would they recommend their therapist? Third, ask around and do your research. There are lots of therapists and counselors with an online presence or at least a website. You may even find that some places offer a free consultation.
What does an effective therapist look like for you? Any tips on finding one? Leave your advice below!
Signed,
Lai
